In supervision today the topic kept coming up: How do you go about your day when people are suffering around you? And how do you go home and watch tv or do your hobby or laugh with friends when the patients you worked with don’t have those options?
It’s hard to be an empath/HSP in a caregiving profession. If you didn’t have a bit of codependence in your personality you would have just gone to work on wall street or become a hot dog vendor. But you get up every morning and voluntarily invest in helping others.
It’s hard enough on a regular day. But when half of California is on fire and current events are stressing you out, it can be easy to view self-care as selfish – a literal guilty pleasure.
So I’ll tell you the same thing I said in supervision more than once today and that I need to tell myself as well: if you have the luxury of your house not being on fire, if you have the luxury of friends and a safe place to live and a cozy bed to watch tv, possibly with a loving person in it… DO NOT SQUANDER THESE THINGS IN A MISGUIDED ATTEMPT TO BE SELFLESS.
Because a) you being unhappy does absolutely NOTHING to help those people who are in distress and b) you being replenished and safe and rested is the ONLY way you will be able to get up and do it again tomorrow.
Think of yourself as a laborer and the issues of the day as a block of concrete. It’s so big you can’t even see how far it goes. You used a jackhammer all day to blast what you could, and although you can see some progress, there’s still so much to do. This work isn’t easy, it was loud, and you’re tired. You’re tempted to keep going but you know you need a break. The best way to get more work done tomorrow is to stop at some point and do something fun and restorative. Spending your evening stressing about how you didn’t get enough accomplished or how someone else could have jackhammered better, how much there is left to do, or how some people don’t even own a jackhammer – none of these will set you up to enthusiastically return to the jobsite tomorrow.
And if you are trying your hardest to relax (an oxymoron if ever there was one) and you need a mantra/affirmation to remind you of this, here’s the one that never wears out: I’m not responsible for causing this situation, I’m not responsible for solving this situation, but this situation is a little bit better because I am here.
Sending gratitude to all the heroes out there, including you,
Jessica
- Need some advice? I’m available, and I don’t mind what you’re wearing, or even if you cry. One-on-one consultation on patient care, interpersonal and career challenges
- Always available from bed or anywhere else you may roam: Eating Disorders Boot Camp: The Ultimate Eating Disorder Training
Amazing workshop alert: It doesn’t actually matter what they’re presenting on, the opportunity to learn from Marci Evans and Ragen Chastain is something no practicing weight-inclusive professional should miss. Their two-part workshop starts next week and all the details are at https://marcird.com/workshop/.
Free Online Education from Other Sources:
Navigating Dual Challenges: Substance Use and Disordered Eating – January 23
Don’t Tell Me to Calm Down: Navigating Mental Health Challenges Associated with Aging and Hormone Changes – January 24
Families as Allies: Empowering Loved Ones in Eating Disorder Recovery – February 6
Unseen Dangers: The Physical Complications of Eating Disorders Among Individuals Without Low Body Weight – February 12
Are We Aiming High Enough? Part Two: Goal Weight Setting For Adults – February 15